i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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