sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
