You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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