I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize