I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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