My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
