Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
