alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
