And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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