Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
