I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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