Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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