I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
