I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
