a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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