She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
