So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
