Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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