My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Ladies don't puke and tell
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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