Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
