perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
