He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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