I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
