Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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