In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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