walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
