I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
