I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
