you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize