Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
