I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It's shark week go big or go home
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
