Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
