Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
