i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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