I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
