By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
