Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Everything about him screamed your future.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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