Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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