Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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