Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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