Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
