What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
