Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I AM VODKA MAN
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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