I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
420 ftw
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize