I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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