I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize