Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
