Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
