she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize