I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
