Hey man sorry I got all grabby
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
