I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
