She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
