I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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