Plan B is the new Plan A
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
