The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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