Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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