please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize