hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
