I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
