he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
