Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
