I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize