Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
