3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
