Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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