Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I wear drunk well.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize