He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
time to smoke my breakfast
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
