Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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