if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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