there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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