That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
