my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize