the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i wish my penis had a tongue
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
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