he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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